FANTASY

Don't close your eyes                                                        
                                                                               
    　　你有一雙漂亮的眼。
                                                                               
                                                                               
    　　彷彿使用靈魂碰觸著水面，指頭點開的波紋帶著低喃，像溫水一樣沁
                                                                               
    進你的臉龐，觸動神經，使你不禁閉上雙眼，對方望不見的眼睛長在指腹
                                                                               
    和指紋，沒有動口的語言與失焦的目光一同剝開感官，直接穿進胸口。
                                                                                                                  
    　　一定是很漂亮的眼睛。細語。她像在臨摹一尊高貴的神像仔細紀錄男
                                                                               
    人容貌，沙沙、沙沙，樹葉彼此摩沙著，她成為畫筆的指頭發出細微，沙
                                                                               
    沙、沙沙……
                                                                               
                                                                               
    　　「肯拉德，」她抬起頭，從耳邊刷下的鬢髮躺著，那個動作如同掃開
                                                                               
    灰塵的微風，她乾淨無暇的白色軍服激烈諷刺著滿身的血腥，只能顯現陽
                                                                               
    光下的粉塵落上軍靴，你閉上眼睛，放棄回想女子放在自己臉上的觸感。
                                                                                  
    　　「有些事情是不需要看的，如果一直只依靠眼睛，那麼好多東西都見
                                                                               
    不到……如果我看得到，」茱莉亞輕輕的笑。「也許我也會認為人類只會
                                                                               
    帶給魔族惡耗，親眼見到戰爭、與聞到味道、聽見聲音，感受到的觸感一
                                                                               
    定不一樣，真王陛下沒有給我雙眼，那麼想必祂一定是賜予了某種更美好
                                                                               
    的東西，我還有很多時間去發覺……」
                                                                               
                                                                               
    　　滴答、滴答。血鑄時鐘每向前走一格，就溶短了一截，少女周身彷彿
                                                                               
    真空的無菌室，抽開的空氣打上自己，重重把時間壓縮成只剩下骨骼的化
                                                                               
    石，伸出手按住女子手腕，茱莉亞露出困惑的微笑刺痛著眼皮左上方的神
                                                                               
    經，她頸上的項鍊看起來就像把整片天空凝聚而成的湛藍結晶。
                                                                   
    　　你見到左眉淌著傷的男人，他皺起眉頭的時候似乎讓那道戰爭中閉合
                                                                               
    的眼睛，像張開了一般龜裂開來，透過你的雙眼茱利亞的容貌折射這道傷
                                                                               
    疤旁，你放開她的手腕，手掌遮擋住來來回回彈射其中的畫面，從頭到尾
                                                                               
    那隻長滿厚繭的手都沒有碰觸寶石表面。
                                                                               
                                                                               
    　　「肯拉德……」
                                                                               
                                                                               
    　　「對不起……」
                                                                                              
    　　滴答、滴答……短針已經完全溶蝕，像乾巴巴抹布攤住白色石牆。茱
                                                                               
    莉亞上揚的唇角如同春天第一道破冰，你聽見胸口後頭粉碎的劈啪，這個
                                                                               
    地方只是一場夢，樹影遲緩搖晃著，眼底所有的影子彷彿正逐漸以悲慘的
                                                                               
    緩慢融化。
                                                                               
                                                                               
    　　「對不起……」
                                                                               
                                                                               
    　　你說。茱莉亞偏著頭，像催促你說話，又似聽不懂在說些什麼。
                                                                                           
    　　你有足夠的語言將歉意與後悔連接成有意義的字詞，傳達給她嗎？你
                                                                               
    可以光用文字、光用這段時間就能告訴他你曾經多麼珍惜，如今也不曾改
                                                                               
    變？又或著可以像安慰有利那樣，過濾出內心複雜的心思將你所希望呈現
                                                                               
    在文字的表面？你有什麼樣的力量，可以做出比她對你所作更多的事情。
                                                                               
                                                                               
    　　茱莉亞掌心貼伏上臉頰，她的手指壓過你的眼瞼，最後一動也不動沉
                                                                               
    默頰邊，和清晨天空同色的眉毛皺起來，她開口呼喚你的名字，滴答、滴
                                                                               
    答、滴答……時鐘如同紅色巧克力，軟弱無力垂下來，她落下的語尾兀自
                                                                               
    蒸騰在耳邊。肯拉德。你的名字。
                                                                               
                                                                               
    　　「對不起……」你顫抖著，望著這名用手指撫平別人不安的美麗女子
                                                                               
    。「我來晚了。」
                                                                  
    　　茱莉亞淡淡的微笑。
                                                                               
                                                                               
    　　「只有一次也好……」她溫柔的低語。
                                                                               
                                                                               
    　　「如果我可以看見你現在的表情，或許我就能明白自己是不是做錯了
                                                                               
    ……」
                                                                               
                                                                               
    　　然後你看見她收回手，在指尖遠離你的瞬間被萬把長茅刺穿，而你已
                                                                               
    經不記得自己有沒有發出尖叫，只在醒過來之後發現貼伏在額際的汗水，
                                                                               
    彷彿那個時候黏在身上的鮮血，她的嗓音仍舊在空氣間低語，她的聲音仍
                                                                               
    舊在耳中沉澱著，你毫無疑問的知道如果情況允許，你可以用盡所有記憶
                                                                               
    的元素創造出一模一樣的振幅，還有一輩子都看不見自己亦無從後悔的眼
                                                                               
    睛。
                                                           
                                                                               
    　　你沒有喘息，也沒有震驚，你發現自己好平靜，沒有試圖挽回夢中的
                                                                               
    那名女子。
                                                                               
                                                                               
    　　你慶幸茱利亞死的時候，是那樣高貴而完美，而非完全無法辨識的醜
                                                                               
    陋屍體。
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
                                                                               
    　　「肯拉德？你怎麼在這裡──」